Previously I touch on the two elements that effect our emotions and ultimately define how we engage each other. Those two powerful forces are lust and love. We must be careful to understand them both and how they effect the climate and condition of our relationships. We must view love and lust as two different people with different personalities and characteristics. Their motives are different. Love desires to give and lust desires to take. Love thinks of you and your greater well being. Lust thinks only of itself and it's own desires with no regard for what you may need or want. As you can see we can really clear the confusion around lust and love when closely examine who they are and how they operate.
The character and nature of love and lust will never change. I 'm centering my discussions around the character and nature of love based on IICorithians Chapter 13.
I believe in many cases we have misunderstood and demonstrated a nature in relationships that hasn't reflected love that was healthy and balanced due to great levels of selfishness. Selfishness isn't a characteristic of love. It reflects the nature of lust that only seeks to take and not give. It seeks to expose and not protect. it's this misconception that I seek to challenge.
Most people attribute love to a feeling. In fact we do feel love but it's not a feeling. I believe love is a "NATURE" that we decide to commit to in our mind and soul before it becomes enamored in emotions.
1: The essential qualities or characteristics by which something is recognized; "it is the nature of fire to burn"; "the true nature of jealousy"
2: The emotional and intellectual attributes that determine a person's characteristic, actions and reactions; "it is his nature to help others"
Lust and love have two different natures. We either commit to the nature of love or commit to the nature of lust in our relationships. Love and lust contradicts each other by the nature in which they act and respond. There motives are different. They are what they are. In your relationships stop looking for what not there imagining that it's there. Judge what nature is consistently presenting itself to you and call it what it is. We must stop calling lust love.
Finally we must examine ourselves and determine whether we are truly demonstrating the nature of love or demonstrating the nature of lust. Before we tell some one we love them we must know and understand the nature we are committing ourselves to demonstrating. Love is not about just describing how we feel it's about deciding how we are committed to care, act and respond consistently toward a person place or thing.
I don't know what it takes for each individual to make that decision but it's from that decision that love establishes it's place in our heart. When we classify love as a feeling it gives off the impression that love is subject to change and that's not true in my opinion. I believe that love is a nature that we commit to beyond how we feel. IICorithians Chapter 13 states:
Love is patient,
love is kind,
love does not envy,
(love does) not boast,
(love is) not proud,
(love is) not disgraceful,
(love does) not desire its own (way),
(love is) not provoked,
(love does) not reckon the wrong,
(love does) not rejoice at unrighteousness but
(love) rejoices with the truth:
(love) bears all things,
(love) believes all things,
(love) hopes all things,
(love) endures all things.
The only thing that's subject to change based on it's nature is lust. we cant mix the nature of love with the nature of lust. It's from this place that I desire to see change.
It seems that millions of people are desperate for information as it relates to male female relationships.
One thing that really gets on my nerves is this. Many of us want new and better results in our relationships without putting the time and effort into becoming knowledgeable about the root issues of the problems we deal with in relationships. too many of us want a cosmetic makeover in our relationships. I say that because we shun or reject uncensored truth, and the real work it will require for lasting change. We want everything fast and easy. We must stop stop evading self evaluation because many times that's where change and growth starts in our relationships.
Recently someone asked me why my blogs on relationships are so long and I became a little irritated. I was irritated by the thought that some people could miss valuable information that could really help them and their relationships as it relates to love because they are too lazy to read.
In this life what you need will not always be handed to you. There are some things you must seek out for yourself. Ultimately, as it relates to love and relationships, I write this blog understanding that we will only change things in our lives and relationships when we get tired of banging our heads against the wall of disappointment and Ignorance. We must change the things we can no longer afford to tolerate. we have been talking about Love but we must first commit to loving ourselves. Love not only looks out for the well being and interest of the other person but it also cares for the giver as well. Love is not about ignoring you and your needs totally. Love is not blind and it's not stupid.
Self love would not tell you to ignore abuse and neglect. You can love a person as they are going through different struggle in your relationship but you must know when their struggle and issues are too damaging to your life to carry any longer. You can still love a person even if your relationship has to change. You may be dating someone and you are realizing that the relationship is verbally abusive and very negative. You may still love that person but you don't have to stay in the dating relationship with that person because that type of relationship is hurting you. This is why a relationship with God and wise counsel is so important as we seek to enter romantic relationships.
Sometimes we try to date people we were only supposed to be friends with or we date people that we have nothing in common with and there is no common purpose connecting us to that person other than they are "Fine" or "Sexy." If sex get involve at some point when we are casually dating an individual it causes great confusion because we tend to call what we feel from the experiences love when in most instances it is not truly love at all. Start loving yourself by thinking before you act and understand that wisdom for better choices come from accountability and good information. Seek them both if you truly desire to love and be loved correctly.
Think on these things...........................
Eric T. Little