Wednesday, May 7, 2014

A word to all singles.

Today in our present generation marriages, dating relationships, and friendships are failing like never before because we build them out of God’s order with wrong expectations. A downward spiral begins when we start developing an appetite for bonding and connecting with others first, before we ever get acquainted with God and the defining value of understanding our life passions and purposes which brings clarity and distinction to our life. When we don’t have definition or clarity in our life we tend to connect with misfits that have no connection or relativity to our life beyond an emotional or sexual connection. This spells disa disaster in relationships’ and ster marriages. Let’s see, how does the dating circus begin? First, you are either anxiously alone, single and perfectly content, spent from dead end relationship, or in the heat of a progressive career with everything in place accept that special someone. Then suddenly, one day he or she catches your attention. You can hardly stay focused on anything when they are around other than how you can get a conversation started without blowing it. When you finally meet, you enter th the acquaintance stage, start having fun, and discover th that you have so much in at common. Right? In many cases we skip the friendship stage where time and circumstance usually tend to reveal motives, differences, and weigh the substance of the individual. Instead of taking the high road of careful consideration we get lost in the euphoria of the budding acquaintance that quickly becomes a relationship before we know it. When you are apart, you count down the minutes until you see that special someone again. You believe you are in love and you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Life happens, you move in together and after a couple ye years of sampling you get married maybe? After a while the honey moon stage expires and the struggles of life cause things to become a little rocky. Problems and trials take their toll. Your jobs, family members, and friends all pull you in different directions. Then you see if the bottom falls out. If it does we just start the cycle all over with another person without studying the wrong steps we made in the last relationship. Unfotunately unhealthy cycles just keep going until someone decides that something about the process has to change. I think it starts with re-evaluating how we utilze our time as singles......To be continued
(Excerpts of this book was shared today.)

Saturday, May 3, 2014

The power of singleness

To all of the singles of the world I will lead off by saying “to all things there is a season and a specific time.” Relax, you’re not behind and you’re not going to miss anything that is assigned for your life if you tap into God and His purpose and intent for your existence. You may not have all of the details, but get a clue! This is apart of what I believe singleness is for. As a single myself, I was guilty of living fast and looking too far ahead. You know what I mean. Kind of like, putting the cart before the horse, or like rushing out to buy furniture without a home to put it in. I liken those scenarios to any single person that’s seriously pressing to enter a relationship without having a clue of who you are or why you are?“ And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being. The lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man He hadformed formed.” Genesis 2:7-8 Form: To fashion, shape, cultivate or develop into: something. God started with the singled in Genesis. Before Eve a appeared it was just Adam. He was the first single God personally formed. Much like Adam, I believe God desires our singleness to be a time of personal development and self-discovery. He desires to form you and plant you into something that brings significance and value to your life while positively impacting others. Don’t be guilty of waiting for someone to complete you and make you whole.Wholeness and completeness should be settled during our singleness. Coming into relationship with God through Christ iswhat activates mankind for the revelation of purposes which cause the faith and hope in us to come alive. Eve didn’t bring Adam wholeness. She brought him partnership in the fulfilment of purpose, support, fellowship, and accountability. His identity was already complete. Before Adam met Eve he tapped into God and His purpose and intent for his life. It’s my intent to enlighten any single that truly desires to live a fruitful and progressive life. If that is you I challenge to look at your singleness a little different.

Monday, December 12, 2011


How many ways have you been turned off, hurt, frustrated, or badly handled by someone that failed to BE PATIENT. Just think about how you felt this week as you ordered some food while sitting in the drive thru and that person rushed you or showed little patience for you as you were trying to order. How did you feel?

Think about when that person behind you blew their horn at you while you were waiting for the traffic light to change. The light had changed for only a few seconds but they were so impatient only thinking of what they wanted you to do and where they wanted to go. How did you feel?

I think my point is clear. It's the same way in relationships when we are dealing with one another. We must practice patient because it doesn't feel good to be rushed or pressured unnecessarily.

I discovered in my own life that I can be Impatient at times when I'm afraid of something, afraid of losing something or missing a opportunity. What's the key word here? FEAR!

As it relates to relationships how did FEAR affect my ability to be patient, As a child in my pre-teens my father walked away from my mother and left her to raise me and my 7 brothers and sisters. My dad walking away when we really needed him affected me greatly. I began to fear being abandoned, unaccepted, or not good enough.After several failed romantic relationships I began to see how that FEAR was causing me to become IMPATIENT and NEEDY. Always finding myself looking and expecting someone to make me feel wanted and accepted.( I know it's unpopular for a man to confess a level of neediness but this is a real problem with many people and it's not just a WOMAN THING it's a Life thing. If you are a man reading this dont be afraid to look at root issues in your life because that will affect your son and daughter and their children. Life must become bigger than our EGO!)

I began to set unrealistic expectations for what I expected from them. I would become impatient and rush into relationships that were bad for me or seriously frustrate the GOOD relationships.

Today in my life I have seriously made examining me a high priority.For years I was unaware of what I know now about me and the issues that affect how I give and show love and How I demonstrate PATIENCE.

1.You see PATIENCE is really about understanding and caring for the needs of others as you take care of yourself

2.IMPATIENCE is really about trying to get your need or desire met without thought or regard for what others need.

3. FEAR is a poison that weakens, breakdowns, and destroys everything it's connected to or directed at. FEAR builds insecurity that stems from some pain,hurtful experience, or traumatic situation in our lives that went unnoticed or unaddressed.

There is no fear where love exists. Rather, perfect love destroys fear, for fear involves punishment, and the person who lives in fear has not been perfected in love.

Let me make something very clear. God through Christ is the perfect love that passage above is talking about. We cannot reach out to people only to give us perfect love or expect them to cast away and disarm all of our fears. God is the only being that posses a perfect Love for all. His perfect Love flows through us when we commit to loving ourselves and others according to the nature of love that reflects him when we demonstrate it in the way it's laid out BELOW in first Corithians Chapter 13

I believe that love is a nature that we commit to beyond how we feel. ICorithians Chapter 13 states:
LOVE IS PATIENT,( This is the first characteristic of love that we must demonstrate.)
love is kind,
love does not envy,
(love does) not boast,
(love is) not proud,
(love is) not disgraceful,
(love does) not desire its own (way),
(love is) not provoked,
(love does) not reckon the wrong,
(love does) not rejoice at unrighteousness but
(love) rejoices with the truth:
(love) bears all things,
(love) believes all things,
(love) hopes all things,
(love) endures all things.

It's through My relationship with God and people that continue to demonstrate LOVE and PATIENCE toward me throughout the years that I have found strength and freedom to live free from the bondage of fear that gained it's power in my life through bad experiences.

YOU SEE IF WE ARE TO TRULY LOVE AND DEOMONSTRATE PATIENCE we must clear the baggage of our past out of the way which will affect our ability to cater and care for others.

I shared An issue in my life that I believe have given you a great basis for which to examine YOUR OWN LIFE. For me it has been fear that hampered my ability to be patient and allow that aspect of LOVE to consistently flow from my life. WHAT IS IT FOR YOU????


Saturday, December 10, 2011

What's love got to do with SELF LOVE?

Have you ever wondered why you do the things you do? Why do I feel this way about myself? Why do I need this to feel a certain way or why do I want that? Why do I need to fit in with this crowd? Many of the answers to these types of questions in most cases are connected to experiences or situations we may have been confronted with in the early stages of our lives that we don’t know how to address. The root issues connected to these types of questions affect how we love ourselves and in most cases determine the type of standards we set in our lives. I firmly believe that who we are on a daily basis is a reflection of how we were shaped through our relationships with our parents or guardians at home and how we process through life’s situations and circumstances. Many of the unresolved issues about our self-image that we carry around daily started developing at home.

This is the place where our heart or mind took its first steps. The heart I’m speaking of isn’t a physical thing. What it symbolizes is a central or vital place in our mind where everything we experience whether it’s good or bad is recorded.

It’s from this very emotional place in our mind that all of the issues of our life flow be it good or bad. Whether we admit it or not we all have emotional needs for security, identity, acceptance, and affirmation.

We develop based on how these four needs are met. Sometimes when we are confronted with confusion or disappointment in these four areas that go unanswered or unresolved it causes chaos in our minds and sometimes our emotions spiral out of control. Instead of clearly assessing the situations that confront us we begin to attack ourselves by developing negative thoughts and attitudes about our life. It’s at this moment that we begin to internalize anger and self-hatred, which causes us to develop a NEGATIVE SELF IMAGE.

Unfortunately, in our culture today image is everything! When we begin to dislike ourselves sometimes we go through life seeking after people, places, or things to identify with what we believe will add value and significance to us. Self-hatred causes us to live in pursuit of new identity, acceptance, security, and affirmation that cause us to live daily without restraints or boundaries. We will have sex, smoke, drink, steal or even kill to fulfill a need for these four things. Self-Love is about understanding who we are, what makes us uniquely different and being comfortable with saying “No.”

Self-love causes us to live our life protected by boundaries and standards that we set for ourselves. It causes us to live driven by a purpose or cause that challenges us to live disciplined and under control. We have to begin to love ourselves enough to know and accept who we are and fully appreciate what makes us uniquely different based on the very special purpose we were individually created for. Self-love is a state of mind that must be maintained and developed in our lives on a daily basis because life will challenge the way we think and feel at times.

Just like self-hatred I believe self-love is developed based on how our emotional needs are met starting in the earliest stages of our life. If you look around in your neighborhoods you may notice that whenever there is a building or house that has been battered and worn down over the years it’s restored or torn down if it’s damaged beyond repair. Much like a damaged building some of us need to be restored in our thinking about ourselves. Regardless of where you are right now in your life your new beginning is only one decision away.

Your new beginning starts with learning to love you. Stop running away from who you really are. Stop running after the crowd! There’s a valuable treasure inside of you called purpose and destiny. It will bring more value and significance to your life than the person, image, place, or thing you may be chasing right now. You are not who they say you are! You are not going to be just like your father. You’re not stupid! You’re not going to be in jail or pregnant before you’re twenty. You’re not a pimp, ho, slut, or bitch. No you are not the ugliest person in the world. Who told you that? You see its statements like these that leave us wounded and bleeding for years emotionally, before we realize how we have been affected. Regardless of where you are you can begin to love yourself today. I am not trying to say that we don’t need to be concerned about the well being of others because we do. We just have to be healthy to help others.

The very nature of love is to guard, and protect. I say that because we guard and protect what we really love. How do I know when I hate myself instead of loving myself? We know we’re living with low self-image when we live our life never exposing our real self because we are afraid that we won’t be accepted by the in crowd. When we keep people in our lives that add no value to us and we know they’re pulling us down but we just can’t cut them off were not loving ourselves.

So Eric how do I begin to love myself?

1.Self-love starts with being willing to let go of some of the hurts and disappointments of our past that cause us to think negatively about ourselves or we must be willing to accept wise counsel to help us process through them.

2. We have to love ourselves enough to say no to people, or things that aren’t good for us and we must love ourselves enough to rebel and revolt against negative thought processes, and attitudes that entice us to live self-destructive lifestyles.

3. We must be willing to reform our circle. Our circle is a support system that’s formed by the most significant and influential people in our lives that we allow to hold us accountable in all areas of our life. We will only be as great as the people we have in our circle. If the people in our circle have no vision for their life we most likely will live without vision or they will tear our hopes and dreams down. Love yourself by building relationships with people that guard you and themselves with restrictions and boundaries in life.

4. Whether you are in a relationship with a significant other or single take time daily or weekly to do things that care for you. Pick one day a week or one week a month to step away for a moment to breath, sleep, pray, write, read,or redeem time for a girls or boys TIME OUT with close friends. Go swimming, travel, do something fun for you. Do something to refresh yourself. Do some self evaluation. Do some self work. Find someone you can talk to about you. Too often through our journey in life we fail to get a tune up and we end up living messy and unproductive lives. Take care of you.

I could keep going but if we start here I really believe we can really get the ball rolling in the right direction. This is a place I'm working on in my own life. I say these things not as a Know it all expert but as a person pressing through a constant process of Change, Growth, and Maturity

Think on these things...........................

Eric T. Little
aka "Twin"

Sunday, December 4, 2011

What's love got to do with it? part2

What's love got to do with it? part2
Previously I touch on the two elements that effect our emotions and ultimately define how we engage each other. Those two powerful forces are lust and love. We must be careful to understand them both and how they effect the climate and condition of our relationships. We must view love and lust as two different people with different personalities and characteristics. Their motives are different. Love desires to give and lust desires to take. Love thinks of you and your greater well being. Lust thinks only of itself and it's own desires with no regard for what you may need or want. As you can see we can really clear the confusion around lust and love when closely examine who they are and how they operate.

The character and nature of love and lust will never change. I 'm centering my discussions around the character and nature of love based on IICorithians Chapter 13.
I believe in many cases we have misunderstood and demonstrated a nature in relationships that hasn't reflected love that was healthy and balanced due to great levels of selfishness. Selfishness isn't a characteristic of love. It reflects the nature of lust that only seeks to take and not give. It seeks to expose and not protect. it's this misconception that I seek to challenge.

Most people attribute love to a feeling. In fact we do feel love but it's not a feeling. I believe love is a "NATURE" that we decide to commit to in our mind and soul before it becomes enamored in emotions.

1: The essential qualities or characteristics by which something is recognized; "it is the nature of fire to burn"; "the true nature of jealousy"

2: The emotional and intellectual attributes that determine a person's characteristic, actions and reactions; "it is his nature to help others"

Lust and love have two different natures. We either commit to the nature of love or commit to the nature of lust in our relationships. Love and lust contradicts each other by the nature in which they act and respond. There motives are different. They are what they are. In your relationships stop looking for what not there imagining that it's there. Judge what nature is consistently presenting itself to you and call it what it is. We must stop calling lust love.

Finally we must examine ourselves and determine whether we are truly demonstrating the nature of love or demonstrating the nature of lust. Before we tell some one we love them we must know and understand the nature we are committing ourselves to demonstrating. Love is not about just describing how we feel it's about deciding how we are committed to care, act and respond consistently toward a person place or thing.

I don't know what it takes for each individual to make that decision but it's from that decision that love establishes it's place in our heart. When we classify love as a feeling it gives off the impression that love is subject to change and that's not true in my opinion. I believe that love is a nature that we commit to beyond how we feel. IICorithians Chapter 13 states:
Love is patient,
love is kind,
love does not envy,
(love does) not boast,
(love is) not proud,
(love is) not disgraceful,
(love does) not desire its own (way),
(love is) not provoked,
(love does) not reckon the wrong,
(love does) not rejoice at unrighteousness but
(love) rejoices with the truth:
(love) bears all things,
(love) believes all things,
(love) hopes all things,
(love) endures all things.

The only thing that's subject to change based on it's nature is lust. we cant mix the nature of love with the nature of lust. It's from this place that I desire to see change.

It seems that millions of people are desperate for information as it relates to male female relationships.

One thing that really gets on my nerves is this. Many of us want new and better results in our relationships without putting the time and effort into becoming knowledgeable about the root issues of the problems we deal with in relationships. too many of us want a cosmetic makeover in our relationships. I say that because we shun or reject uncensored truth, and the real work it will require for lasting change. We want everything fast and easy. We must stop stop evading self evaluation because many times that's where change and growth starts in our relationships.

Recently someone asked me why my blogs on relationships are so long and I became a little irritated. I was irritated by the thought that some people could miss valuable information that could really help them and their relationships as it relates to love because they are too lazy to read.

In this life what you need will not always be handed to you. There are some things you must seek out for yourself. Ultimately, as it relates to love and relationships, I write this blog understanding that we will only change things in our lives and relationships when we get tired of banging our heads against the wall of disappointment and Ignorance. We must change the things we can no longer afford to tolerate. we have been talking about Love but we must first commit to loving ourselves. Love not only looks out for the well being and interest of the other person but it also cares for the giver as well. Love is not about ignoring you and your needs totally. Love is not blind and it's not stupid.

Self love would not tell you to ignore abuse and neglect. You can love a person as they are going through different struggle in your relationship but you must know when their struggle and issues are too damaging to your life to carry any longer. You can still love a person even if your relationship has to change. You may be dating someone and you are realizing that the relationship is verbally abusive and very negative. You may still love that person but you don't have to stay in the dating relationship with that person because that type of relationship is hurting you. This is why a relationship with God and wise counsel is so important as we seek to enter romantic relationships.

Sometimes we try to date people we were only supposed to be friends with or we date people that we have nothing in common with and there is no common purpose connecting us to that person other than they are "Fine" or "Sexy." If sex get involve at some point when we are casually dating an individual it causes great confusion because we tend to call what we feel from the experiences love when in most instances it is not truly love at all. Start loving yourself by thinking before you act and understand that wisdom for better choices come from accountability and good information. Seek them both if you truly desire to love and be loved correctly.

Think on these things...........................

Eric T. Little
aka "Twin"

Saturday, November 26, 2011

What's love got to do with it?

What's love got to do with it?

Hi! my name is Eric Little.

I have a few things on my mind as it relates to love and relationships that I must release. Feel free to listen in and respond if you'd like.

Where is the Love? You know, today I'm really bothered by all of the hate and bitterness in the world that surrounds us daily especially when it comes to relationships. Is it really supposed to be this way? Why are so many people divorcing and breaking up their families because of irreconcilable differences that they vowed to work through at the alter or in the court house when they were getting married? why are so many people disgruntled and confused when it comes to dating and relationships? These are some questions I seek to express my deepest thoughts and concerns about as I move forward in this discussion with many within the webmosphere. If we are to try to understand why some of these questions exist we must begin our journey here.

In my opinion,Love is a beautiful concept that was created in the mind of God. It's a gift that he released into the time and space we occupy called life. He did this to enable us to experience the joy and fulfilment that comes into our lives through something called relationships. The sad thing is because of the lack of love being truly understood, expressed and demonstrated in our social and personal enviorment we have been damaged by it's counterfeit called lust. Lust parades itself as love. This causes us to live not really understanding what true love is and how it should cause us to look, act, and respond under it's influence toward each other. Many relationships aren't under the influence of love. They're under the influence of lust and selfishness. Because of this we abuse and mishandle each other physically, sexually, and emotionally to gain a controling postion in the relationship.

Let's be real! Most of us really want to express Love and recieve Love in it's purest nature and form but, most of us have never experienced a "true"demonstration of love. Many of us have been encountered by a self-centered emotion called lust. Many have accepted selfish people into their lives that take and never give. People that tear them down and never build up. selfish people that lust after you for how you look and what have to offer them will never protect your best interest. They will always look out for themselves. I don't care how much they say they love you. Love never acts or responds with selfish motives. Love seeks unity and oneness. Lust seeks control. Love Liberates. Lust Dictates. Love sees and accepts you for who you are and challenges you to change and grow. Lust sees and accepts you for what you have and disgards you when something new comes along. Love is hardcore, confident, sure, a never ending cycle of truth and respect. Love is for all people but only real men and women can live under it's influence.

Through media forms such as movies, music and music videos we are flooded with many unrealistic and unhealthy images and views of what life, love and relationships are supposed to look like. We set our standards for life and relationships based on role-plays and characters on television that are created to entertain us with a false view of reality.

Let's step out of TV and music video land! The characters we imitate in our relationships were created to sell us illusions and mindsets that create a fals sense of reality. These cycles and mindsets destroy our lives and distort the true essence of love and relationships because we dont really know or fully understand what love is.

Sexual Emotion driven Lust says yes to anything that will: put me at an advantage, and cater to what I want. It's selfish and eager to take something from you without giving anything back. Sexual Emotion driven Lust last for just a moment and when it has taken what it desired the desire for that person or thing leaves. In other word I've taken everything I can from you. I'm not in Lust with you anymore.

Love says no to anything that will: put the person it's directed toward in a losing position in anything. Love always look for a way to give or add to the relationship. Love is a decision that you make that NEVER CHANGES. IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN FALL OUT OF. Love doesn't abuse it protects! Love says no when saying yes will not benefit the other person in some way.

If you are in a relationship you really have to know what you're workin with. I will leave you with this thought. You have to look at love like a apple tree and sexual emotion driven lust as a orange tree.

This is a absolute truth! A orange tree will never ever, ever, grow a apple on it's branches. In other words judge your relationships based on the fruit it's showing you on a daily basis.

If what you experience is truly love it will bear a certain fruit that will never lie to you or lead you astray. The fruit you see is what you really have.
Open your mind to this Uncensored Truth.

I say these things not as a hater but an emancipator. I seek to strengthen the weak, challenge the strong, and provoke us to embrace uncensored truth. think on these things..................
To be continued
Eric T. Little

Come on MAN!

Stop waiting because TIME waits for no man. Time is ticking away......TICK,TICK,TICK,TICK.

It never stops. It's always moving out of something OLD into something NEW. When are you going to move out and press into the next level of manhood in your life. As men today it's time for us to do something different with our lives.
It's time for us to live, love, and lead differently than we ever have before.

The future of our families and generation depends on it. Right Now,

Women currently make up 57% of all college students.
As women march forward, more boys seem to be falling by the wayside. Not only do national statistics forecast a continued decline in the percentage of males on college campuses, but the drops are seen in all races, income groups and fields of study.

Today, though, the blue-collar jobs that once attracted male high school graduates are drying up. More boys are dropping out of high school and out of college. And as the gender gap widens, concern about the educational aspirations of young men appears to be gaining traction.

The gender difference in completion rates is reflected in the makeup of college graduates. Among all college graduates ages 25-29 in 2010, 55% were women and 45% were men. The gap was largest within the black community, where 63% of college-educated young adults were women and only 37% were men.(

Every year, an estimated 1.3 million American high school students drop out; a disproportionate number of whom are youth of color.
The point I'm trying to make with all of this is it's time for men to wake up. Our
present state will not change by ignoring the facts that confront us in society.
If we don't decide to change the way we approach education, entrepreneurship, family, and parenting our world will continue to fall apart.

As men we represent FOUNDATION. For far too long we have been settling with being faulty FOUNDATIONS. The sad thing is NOTHING can be built correctly on a Faulty FOUNDATION. Families are weakened, communities struggle, and culture and society goes unchecked by moral balance when men fall out of position.

I can't say everything in this blog that needs to be said though my heart desires to say more. I realize with every problem presented there must be solutions..........

As men we must be willing to admit that we can't get properly aligned again in our own strength and will. We need God's intervention.

As men we must be willing to look at our family history and determine what negative cycles we must pull away from in our manhood that we know are wrong. Before we move beyond this point we must decide whether we are willing to be cycle breakers or a cycle of a cycle that leads us nowhere progressive.

As men we must make education a priority again whether it's high school or college graduation. We will never compete in the job market or the global economy without education and we will limit the support and stability we can contribute to our families economically, and educationally.

As men we must commit to being fathers again. We must move beyond the excitement of sex alone and decide to take responsibility for what we help create. we must not be afraid of practicing abstinence and or remaining virgins until we get married. This may sound ridiculous but it's a step in the right direction.

Finally as men we must start teaching our sons and daughters what is right about love, sex, education, self-respect and the rewards of hard work beyond the get rich quick schemes that the culture will entice them with like illegal drug distribution, musical entertainment and professional athletics. These things can no longer be allowed to be seen in higher value to our children than moral balance, education, and entrepreneurship.

These aren't the answers to all of the problems but it gets the ball moving in the right direction.

Reform, Rebuild, Restore

Eric T. Little